I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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