Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
