Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
