You can't special order awesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
