How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
