boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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