just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Redeem this text for a blowjob
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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