Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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