I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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