Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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