Screwed.edu
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love you. Go after that dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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