i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
