She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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