just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
