Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
