my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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