i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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