Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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