i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
