She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
