Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
