it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
