he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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