i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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