Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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