he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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