I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
