the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize