I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
