I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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