I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
