wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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