Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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