roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
