you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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