I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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