sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
