u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
