I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
