Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
