a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
