I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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