The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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