Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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