I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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