I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
