I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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