Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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