if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
