Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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