'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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