i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
