end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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