New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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