id be glad to
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
