So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
