omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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