I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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