Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
pop tarts are not kleenex
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
