after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
