saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We need a shit load of segways right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
