My vagina just recognized that song.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
