Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
