Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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