just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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