her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
