the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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