It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
