you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
