There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize