So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
