Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
