I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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