At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize