i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
