walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
